Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
