Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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