mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
