I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
