She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
