So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
