im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
