She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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