But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
