I think im going to throw up on grandma
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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