All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
