the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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