so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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