i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
