i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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