I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
