Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Green mimosas i think yes
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
