Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
