I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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