i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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