apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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