By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
