the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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