I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
