she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
