so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I supernannyed him into submission
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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