And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
