i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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