Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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