I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
