he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
