dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
