why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
