Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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