Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
