Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
