i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
two words: eviction party
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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