that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
