in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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