I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
