we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
