highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
