have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
there is glitter all over my balls
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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