I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize