can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
