Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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