Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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