I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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