I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
