Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
