Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
